This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
honey bunches of taint.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
