Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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