please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
