i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
