He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Let's paint friendship bongs
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
