Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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