Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
