She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
