between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
lets start a swedish sibling band together
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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