it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
She needs sedatives and a leash
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
