quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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