your thong is hanging out like whoa
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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