Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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