Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
