Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
