you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
