You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
