the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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