i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
