omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize