lets start a swedish sibling band together
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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