i just made my gag reflex go away.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
