I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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