Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
