I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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