I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize