It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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