Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
