So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
