so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
