was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
