True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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