I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I love having hate sex.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize