You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
