there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
