i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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