i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
