we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
