Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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