shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
she looked like the before picture.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
