The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
