I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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