this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
