In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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