What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
