I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you had me at cake vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You were trust falling into bushes
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
