Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
