ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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