3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
