ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
