And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
