a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
