My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
