To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ugly people sure do ruin things
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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