I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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