I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
