I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just high enough for therapy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize