He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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