I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
