I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
