Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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