i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
