I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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