I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
