Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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