Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
