fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
